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May. 9th, 2025 07:57 amTherapy was ok I guess. I know I'm stuck in a rut bc I've barely touched my dishes in 2 weeks and I am running out of things, like plastics and small plates and coffee mugs. What might be bothering me, you ask? (gestures to say "all of this") You got me. I'm fairly confident it's not one specific thing but a pile up of everything. Politics, knowing a lot of people don't vote past the ends of their noses, the continuing horrors, some money pressure (which is never about the actual money but still impacts me)... it's a lot. I go home and I sit down and I don't get back up except to scrounge a dinner and go to bed.
My therapist said some of her clients think that she'll tell them what to do. No, she said, YOU'LL tell yourself what to do, and that is so true. I know I just need to start and the rest will fall into place, and I guess I just needed to hear her say that back to me.
So, I got one pan of dishes washed, a hodge-podge of items. Scooped the cat box. Dinner was cheese and tomato tostadas, and while they baked I got out some fabric. A pale blue and white stripe that doesn't have a whole lot left so can't really be anything but a shirt of some sort, and a red plaid. I thought it was poly, but as I handled it I said (out loud) "this feels like wool." So I cut a small piece and burned it -- ignited and burned for a brief moment and extinguished. SMELLED LIKE DEATH. Oh god, that's poly! But then I tried crushing the burned bit and it crumbled into dark ash. Hmmm... no, poly would have kept burning and have no ash, this really didn't burn at all. So I tried again and same results. Y'all, I haven't burned wool in so long that I forgot how bad burning hair smells. It's wool!
I got it from a destash, so measured it and there is only 84cm of 56"-60" wide (the length is scientific, the width is not). Definitely has the feel of someone who bought only a small amount while travelling and never decided what to do with it until it no longer held any meaning for them. Not to worry my unknown friend, I will transform this into a piece worthy of the sheep whose wool became plaid.
Or not. I'm not the boss of you.
So, what can I do with a small amount of plaid?
ANYWAY by then the hockey game was on. I put one needle of thread into the cross stitch piece (with my handy dollar store glasses), knitted two rows on my newest socks, then played a video game until the battery was running very low. By then it was intermission so I took myself to bed, where I discovered that I could play phone games while the audio ran in the background. Another intermission bc the game ran into overtime and I just wanted to sleep but I can't, the game is on... (memories of 2006 when one game went into THREE overtimes before finally ending at 1-something in the morning) but then my boy Leon scored and I spent about 5 mins being very excited before crashing out.
Yesterday I sat down with my budget spreadsheet and my tracking app and I went through every single item in both to verify everything had been accounted for. This is a three-pay month and the last one was accounting for bills. There's never a "free" cheque, it just changes the way I distribute the next one(s). With the insolvency, this is kind of a soft reset for my budget. This next one won't have some of the big ticket items like my car insurance, but I need to account for XYZ recurring expenses because the first June cheque won't be until AFTER mostly everything is due again.
Weekend time at last. I need to get through one more week of too-low-to-be-useful bank balance (rather: I have payments coming out on *Thursday* when I get paid on *Friday* and I'd really prefer not to be hit with NSF fees) so I ought to do some actual meal planning. I have... very little but I can still make a few banging meals! Ideas: mushroom pasta in red sauce with cheese. Veggie chili (just need to make beans, which I never remember until I am already at work) and cornbread (all GF). Granola. Many rice noodles and rice, and I at least got sesame oil in my last grocery run so I can make some asian flavoured things. I have rice crackers and nuts for snacks. There's still a couple things of bacon in the freezer, plus a couple chicken portions. There won't be a lot of *variety* but I shouldn't waste away.
My therapist said some of her clients think that she'll tell them what to do. No, she said, YOU'LL tell yourself what to do, and that is so true. I know I just need to start and the rest will fall into place, and I guess I just needed to hear her say that back to me.
So, I got one pan of dishes washed, a hodge-podge of items. Scooped the cat box. Dinner was cheese and tomato tostadas, and while they baked I got out some fabric. A pale blue and white stripe that doesn't have a whole lot left so can't really be anything but a shirt of some sort, and a red plaid. I thought it was poly, but as I handled it I said (out loud) "this feels like wool." So I cut a small piece and burned it -- ignited and burned for a brief moment and extinguished. SMELLED LIKE DEATH. Oh god, that's poly! But then I tried crushing the burned bit and it crumbled into dark ash. Hmmm... no, poly would have kept burning and have no ash, this really didn't burn at all. So I tried again and same results. Y'all, I haven't burned wool in so long that I forgot how bad burning hair smells. It's wool!
I got it from a destash, so measured it and there is only 84cm of 56"-60" wide (the length is scientific, the width is not). Definitely has the feel of someone who bought only a small amount while travelling and never decided what to do with it until it no longer held any meaning for them. Not to worry my unknown friend, I will transform this into a piece worthy of the sheep whose wool became plaid.
Or not. I'm not the boss of you.
So, what can I do with a small amount of plaid?
ANYWAY by then the hockey game was on. I put one needle of thread into the cross stitch piece (with my handy dollar store glasses), knitted two rows on my newest socks, then played a video game until the battery was running very low. By then it was intermission so I took myself to bed, where I discovered that I could play phone games while the audio ran in the background. Another intermission bc the game ran into overtime and I just wanted to sleep but I can't, the game is on... (memories of 2006 when one game went into THREE overtimes before finally ending at 1-something in the morning) but then my boy Leon scored and I spent about 5 mins being very excited before crashing out.
Yesterday I sat down with my budget spreadsheet and my tracking app and I went through every single item in both to verify everything had been accounted for. This is a three-pay month and the last one was accounting for bills. There's never a "free" cheque, it just changes the way I distribute the next one(s). With the insolvency, this is kind of a soft reset for my budget. This next one won't have some of the big ticket items like my car insurance, but I need to account for XYZ recurring expenses because the first June cheque won't be until AFTER mostly everything is due again.
Weekend time at last. I need to get through one more week of too-low-to-be-useful bank balance (rather: I have payments coming out on *Thursday* when I get paid on *Friday* and I'd really prefer not to be hit with NSF fees) so I ought to do some actual meal planning. I have... very little but I can still make a few banging meals! Ideas: mushroom pasta in red sauce with cheese. Veggie chili (just need to make beans, which I never remember until I am already at work) and cornbread (all GF). Granola. Many rice noodles and rice, and I at least got sesame oil in my last grocery run so I can make some asian flavoured things. I have rice crackers and nuts for snacks. There's still a couple things of bacon in the freezer, plus a couple chicken portions. There won't be a lot of *variety* but I shouldn't waste away.
