It's Spring! Maybe.
May. 3rd, 2019 08:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
totchipandaAs it's currently snowing for the 4th day in a row lol.
It's spring! It's near enough to spring to count! I survived winter! I've probably mentioned it before, I have SAD, and it kicks in the worst around mid-February with the depression, then ramps up the anxiety in March (which I rarely remember), and then spend April trying to get back to "normal". This year was no different, but partially masked by the other changes I made at the end of last year. And it was extra complicated by leaving my worksite for a similar job at a different worksite (I'm employed by Company A, and we are contracted at Companies B and C; I left B for C), and getting a series of illnesses back-to-back-to-back (literally, 5!). They started out very bad (missed my first day at my new site bad) and have gotten progressively better/shorter, but I missed 4 days of work in two months (I missed 3 days last YEAR), and couldn't dance for all the breathing I couldn't do. Now it's May, my latest illness lasted barely 2 days, I'm back to dancing, I'm feeling settled, it's light out past 9pm, and I'm finally starting to feel like a regular person and not a meat suit with a bunch of FEELINGS.
I never really posted about it, but towards the end of last year I decided to give myself a year off from sewing. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that I wanted to remove the pressure of "have to". Some of my anxiety is tied up in "being productive", which is crap, but removing that internal pressure released a lot of it too. So I've barely sewn anything in the last 8 months, making only a petticoat (unfinished), cotton dress (unfinished), a mock-up, and the pieces for my short stays (unfinished). I was thinking the other day about how my unofficial year off is going to be up soon, and had a moment of AUGH NOT READY. But its not like I need to hit the year mark and then immediately leap back in. I can take more time. I can take all the time I need. "Never" can be the day I get back to sewing (I hope it won't be, or else my sewing machine museum will be more than a someday dream). I have a lot of thoughts regarding the whys, and most of them are fueled by anxiety, so I will save those for another day.
Part of why its on my mind too is that I really need/want to expand my wardrobe. Someone posted on Ravelry about "style, how do??" which has been tickling my brain along with a rewatch of Father Brown (set in the 1950s) . I like Bunty's style, even if she's an Amazon, and I'm an Amazon among dwarves lol.
I also want to get back to journaling the way I used to do, back a million years ago when LJ was still invite-only and I had to write it out the old fashioned way. Just debating if I want to do it the old fashioned way, create a new digital journal, or just locked posts here? Not sure if I want some of the thoughts "public" or if i want them to be seen. Decisions!
It's spring! It's near enough to spring to count! I survived winter! I've probably mentioned it before, I have SAD, and it kicks in the worst around mid-February with the depression, then ramps up the anxiety in March (which I rarely remember), and then spend April trying to get back to "normal". This year was no different, but partially masked by the other changes I made at the end of last year. And it was extra complicated by leaving my worksite for a similar job at a different worksite (I'm employed by Company A, and we are contracted at Companies B and C; I left B for C), and getting a series of illnesses back-to-back-to-back (literally, 5!). They started out very bad (missed my first day at my new site bad) and have gotten progressively better/shorter, but I missed 4 days of work in two months (I missed 3 days last YEAR), and couldn't dance for all the breathing I couldn't do. Now it's May, my latest illness lasted barely 2 days, I'm back to dancing, I'm feeling settled, it's light out past 9pm, and I'm finally starting to feel like a regular person and not a meat suit with a bunch of FEELINGS.
I never really posted about it, but towards the end of last year I decided to give myself a year off from sewing. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that I wanted to remove the pressure of "have to". Some of my anxiety is tied up in "being productive", which is crap, but removing that internal pressure released a lot of it too. So I've barely sewn anything in the last 8 months, making only a petticoat (unfinished), cotton dress (unfinished), a mock-up, and the pieces for my short stays (unfinished). I was thinking the other day about how my unofficial year off is going to be up soon, and had a moment of AUGH NOT READY. But its not like I need to hit the year mark and then immediately leap back in. I can take more time. I can take all the time I need. "Never" can be the day I get back to sewing (I hope it won't be, or else my sewing machine museum will be more than a someday dream). I have a lot of thoughts regarding the whys, and most of them are fueled by anxiety, so I will save those for another day.
Part of why its on my mind too is that I really need/want to expand my wardrobe. Someone posted on Ravelry about "style, how do??" which has been tickling my brain along with a rewatch of Father Brown (set in the 1950s) . I like Bunty's style, even if she's an Amazon, and I'm an Amazon among dwarves lol.
I also want to get back to journaling the way I used to do, back a million years ago when LJ was still invite-only and I had to write it out the old fashioned way. Just debating if I want to do it the old fashioned way, create a new digital journal, or just locked posts here? Not sure if I want some of the thoughts "public" or if i want them to be seen. Decisions!
