It's Spring! Maybe.
May. 3rd, 2019 08:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
totchipandaAs it's currently snowing for the 4th day in a row lol.
It's spring! It's near enough to spring to count! I survived winter! I've probably mentioned it before, I have SAD, and it kicks in the worst around mid-February with the depression, then ramps up the anxiety in March (which I rarely remember), and then spend April trying to get back to "normal". This year was no different, but partially masked by the other changes I made at the end of last year. And it was extra complicated by leaving my worksite for a similar job at a different worksite (I'm employed by Company A, and we are contracted at Companies B and C; I left B for C), and getting a series of illnesses back-to-back-to-back (literally, 5!). They started out very bad (missed my first day at my new site bad) and have gotten progressively better/shorter, but I missed 4 days of work in two months (I missed 3 days last YEAR), and couldn't dance for all the breathing I couldn't do. Now it's May, my latest illness lasted barely 2 days, I'm back to dancing, I'm feeling settled, it's light out past 9pm, and I'm finally starting to feel like a regular person and not a meat suit with a bunch of FEELINGS.
I never really posted about it, but towards the end of last year I decided to give myself a year off from sewing. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that I wanted to remove the pressure of "have to". Some of my anxiety is tied up in "being productive", which is crap, but removing that internal pressure released a lot of it too. So I've barely sewn anything in the last 8 months, making only a petticoat (unfinished), cotton dress (unfinished), a mock-up, and the pieces for my short stays (unfinished). I was thinking the other day about how my unofficial year off is going to be up soon, and had a moment of AUGH NOT READY. But its not like I need to hit the year mark and then immediately leap back in. I can take more time. I can take all the time I need. "Never" can be the day I get back to sewing (I hope it won't be, or else my sewing machine museum will be more than a someday dream). I have a lot of thoughts regarding the whys, and most of them are fueled by anxiety, so I will save those for another day.
Part of why its on my mind too is that I really need/want to expand my wardrobe. Someone posted on Ravelry about "style, how do??" which has been tickling my brain along with a rewatch of Father Brown (set in the 1950s) . I like Bunty's style, even if she's an Amazon, and I'm an Amazon among dwarves lol.
I also want to get back to journaling the way I used to do, back a million years ago when LJ was still invite-only and I had to write it out the old fashioned way. Just debating if I want to do it the old fashioned way, create a new digital journal, or just locked posts here? Not sure if I want some of the thoughts "public" or if i want them to be seen. Decisions!
It's spring! It's near enough to spring to count! I survived winter! I've probably mentioned it before, I have SAD, and it kicks in the worst around mid-February with the depression, then ramps up the anxiety in March (which I rarely remember), and then spend April trying to get back to "normal". This year was no different, but partially masked by the other changes I made at the end of last year. And it was extra complicated by leaving my worksite for a similar job at a different worksite (I'm employed by Company A, and we are contracted at Companies B and C; I left B for C), and getting a series of illnesses back-to-back-to-back (literally, 5!). They started out very bad (missed my first day at my new site bad) and have gotten progressively better/shorter, but I missed 4 days of work in two months (I missed 3 days last YEAR), and couldn't dance for all the breathing I couldn't do. Now it's May, my latest illness lasted barely 2 days, I'm back to dancing, I'm feeling settled, it's light out past 9pm, and I'm finally starting to feel like a regular person and not a meat suit with a bunch of FEELINGS.
I never really posted about it, but towards the end of last year I decided to give myself a year off from sewing. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that I wanted to remove the pressure of "have to". Some of my anxiety is tied up in "being productive", which is crap, but removing that internal pressure released a lot of it too. So I've barely sewn anything in the last 8 months, making only a petticoat (unfinished), cotton dress (unfinished), a mock-up, and the pieces for my short stays (unfinished). I was thinking the other day about how my unofficial year off is going to be up soon, and had a moment of AUGH NOT READY. But its not like I need to hit the year mark and then immediately leap back in. I can take more time. I can take all the time I need. "Never" can be the day I get back to sewing (I hope it won't be, or else my sewing machine museum will be more than a someday dream). I have a lot of thoughts regarding the whys, and most of them are fueled by anxiety, so I will save those for another day.
Part of why its on my mind too is that I really need/want to expand my wardrobe. Someone posted on Ravelry about "style, how do??" which has been tickling my brain along with a rewatch of Father Brown (set in the 1950s) . I like Bunty's style, even if she's an Amazon, and I'm an Amazon among dwarves lol.
I also want to get back to journaling the way I used to do, back a million years ago when LJ was still invite-only and I had to write it out the old fashioned way. Just debating if I want to do it the old fashioned way, create a new digital journal, or just locked posts here? Not sure if I want some of the thoughts "public" or if i want them to be seen. Decisions!
no subject
Date: 2019-05-03 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-05-04 02:26 am (UTC)Your year off of sewing sounds like such a smart thing to do! I enjoy a deadline sometimes in the sense that it helps me feel motivated to finish projects (instead of making a whole bunch of UFOs), but when you are feeling like you "need" to be productive with the thing that is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, it gets troublesome. So its good that you are able to break out of that and keep the sewing enjoyable, as it should be, even if it is also challenging (which I think is part of the enjoyment).
I look forward to hearing more about your future plans for wardrobe and online journaling!